Have questions about sexual violence, child abuse, or how to support someone you care about? Our FAQs are organized into sections covering sexual violence support, child abuse support, and support for teens to help you find clear, compassionate information and guidance.
Any individual (18+) whose life has been affected by sexual violence either directly or indirectly, whether recently or in the past.
Yes, services are free for adults, children, and non-offending caregivers.
Yes. Anything you share with the Cottage will be kept private. The information will not be shared with anyone without your permission. The only limitations to confidentiality are if we learn of an individual’s plans to harm themselves or someone else, abuse of an individual with a disability, or child/elder abuse that has not already been reported. In cases of child abuse, law enforcement and DFCS are made aware. Learn more on our Help for Children and Teens page under “What Is Mandated Reporting.”
For all services, you can get started either by calling the 24/7 hotline or by calling the office line (706-546-1133) during business hours (Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm) and speaking to an Adult Advocate.
If any sexual contact was not consensual then it was assault. If the sexual contact was forced or coerced it was assault. If threats were made, it was an assault. It does not matter if there were injuries or not. It does not matter if you didn’t fight back. It does not matter if you’ve had sexual contact with the perpetrator before. It does not matter if you had been drinking alcohol or using substances. It does not matter if you had planned to engage in sexual activity and then changed your mind. It is not your fault. The only person responsible and had the ability to stop it from happening was the perpetrator.
Acquaintance rape is when someone is forced into some sexual activity against their will by someone they know. The perpetrator could be a friend, date, neighbor, partner, spouse, or someone you’ve just met. Survivors may feel ashamed and may blame themselves. They may feel that they were somehow responsible, that they should have been able to prevent the rape, or that they should have seen it coming. There may be an inability to sleep, trust issues, and a variety of health concerns. This experience can be very isolating for the survivor. Many survivors never tell anyone. All of these reactions are common and normal given what the survivor has been through.
Yes. Many adults who were sexually abused in their childhood and/or adolescence reach out for help in their adulthood. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse may carry this secret for years or decades, never telling anyone. Some survivors may have once told someone but were told they were lying and/or not to speak of the abuse to anyone. Many survivors block the memory of abuse. Others remember but don’t recognize the courage they showed as a child and the impact that the abuse still has on their lives. Our services are available to you, even if you experienced abuse long ago.
Yes, The Cottage is committed to serving every survivor of sexual violence and understands the issues and barriers that are unique to the LGBTQ community.
The Cottage has always been a resource for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault. According to RAINN, “2.78 million men in the U.S. had been victims of attempted or completed rape as of 1998″ and “1 out of every 10 rape victims are male” (RAINN). Yet, men are an underserved population when it comes to treating the trauma and symptoms of sexual abuse and assault. The Cottage is committed to helping all who have been affected by sexual trauma and to reducing the volume of males suffering alone.
Childhood sexual abuse includes any sexual contact with a child or teen (17-), including touching or fondling, oral, anal or vaginal penetration, using a child for sexual films or prostitution, and/or exposing a child to adult sexual activity, such a photographs or videos.
Drug and/or alcohol facilitated rape is when a survivor is subjected to a sexual act while under the incapacitating effects of alcohol and/or drugs. The effects of these substances prevent the survivor from being able to consent
Call local law enforcement immediately. These substances move through the body very quickly and a blood or urine sample should be taken as soon as possible. It is good to be truthful with law enforcement about all drug and alcohol use during the time period in question, even those ingested voluntarily, because this will play a part in lab procedures.
ALCOHOL. Why? Consuming alcohol, often in mass quantities is socially accepted. Unlike taking drugs, drinking alcohol is a legal activity, if the user is of legal age. Lastly, alcohol is usually voluntarily ingested. The perpetrator doesn’t have to do anything except be in the right place at the right time.
It is important to acknowledge that there is a difference between preventing a sexual assault and practicing risk reduction. A survivor is never responsible for preventing a sexual assault. The only person who is able to prevent an assault is the perpetrator.
Risk reduction strategies are techniques to try to interrupt a sexual assault in progress either by the survivor or a bystander. Listen to your instincts and your gut feeling- they are usually right. Don’t trust people you’ve just met. Even if they seem “nice,” you don’t know them well enough. Look out for your friends and stay with people who you know when you go somewhere. Get your own drinks. Do not accept drinks from others. Be assertive and direct about what you do and do not want to do. Take note of red flags, for example if someone is very touchy feely. Do they refuse to stop when you tell them to? Do they invade your personal space, testing boundaries? Do they ask you about sex and talk about things of a sexual nature, continuing even when you don’t seem to respond? Do they seem eager to buy you drinks or use substances with you? Do they seem eager to give you a ride? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” that is a red flag, and you should seek support from a safe person and try to exit the situation as quickly as possible.
These are just a few examples of ways to reduce risk. Keep in mind that perpetrators make the decision to rape and despite taking precautions rape can still happen. No matter what, it was not your fault.
Adult Survivor Investigations can look different based on each individual. Adult survivors are fully empowered to guide the investigation process based on what will serve their healing process. An adult can choose to report to law enforcement or not. An adult can also choose to get a Forensic Medical Exam (available within 5 days or 120 hours from an assault) or not. Access to medical exams is available regardless of whether a report is made to law enforcement. To better help explore the best option for a survivor and their healing process, please contact our 24/7 hotline (706-353-1912) to speak to an advocate further.
There is an important distinction in determining which agency investigates which child abuse allegations. Law enforcement and the Department of Family Child Services (DFCS) investigate familial or caretaker cases, while only law enforcement investigates third-party perpetrating cases.
If the case is familial or caretaker, then the case should be reported to DFCS in the county where the child lives. If the case involves a third-party perpetrator, then allegations should be reported to law enforcement in the county where the abuse occurred.
If you have a third-party perpetrating case and a non-offending caregiver who does not want DFCS involved, the non-offending caregiver can report to law enforcement instead of DFCS. If there is a case in which DFCS and law enforcement have equal jurisdiction, assume that both will be investigating.
When the non-offending caregiver calls DFCS to make the report, they will ask the non-offending caregiver for identifying information about the child and the alleged abuser, for example: name, address, date of birth, parent’s name, school the child attends, and details of the abuse. This information is very important for the intake worker to determine if there is sufficient information to find the child, to determine if the information meets their criteria for sexual abuse, and to determine the level of risk to the child.
During the investigation, the DFCS caseworker will:
Check DFCS records for any previous reports on the child and alleged perpetrator
Visit the child at home or school to observe and talk with the child
Meet with the family to discuss allegations
Interview the alleged perpetrator in a face to face manner
Talk with anyone else who might have any additional information about the situation
Obtain release forms for medical information
When working with child abuse cases, it is important to note that the main purpose of DFCS is to ensure the safety of the child in the home, not to remove children from their homes. If DFCS staff believe that the child is in danger at home, they will work with the non-offending caregiver immediately to create a safe environment for the child. If the non-offending caregiver is not cooperative, the child will be removed and placed in a temporary foster care situation. Likewise, if the DFCS investigator determines the child is safe in the home with the non-offending caregiver, the child will remain in the home. DFCS will conduct a risk assessment and create a safety plan.
Increase validation of child’s disclosure. (“I’m glad you told, I know it was difficult.”)
Advise the child that the abuse was not their fault but the fault of the person who did this.
Normalize the situation and get back into your routine.
Respect your child’s privacy.
Allow the child to express their feelings.
Normalize their feelings. Tell the child it is ok to feel the way they feel, and reassure them that other children who have been abused felt the same way.
Reassure the child that you will protect them.
Take time for yourself; in order for your child to be healthy, you must be healthy.
Don’t ever blame the child.
Don’t interrogate the child. Let the child tell you what happened when he or she is ready.
Don’t give the child special privileges. Don’t make drastic changes to rules/discipline.
Don’t tell everyone about the abuse. Limit conversations about the abuse especially in the child’s presence.
Don’t lose patience during the recovery process. Every child is different.
Don’t try to isolate the child from their world. It only makes the child feel more “different.”
Don’t promise the child that the abuser will go to jail.
Don’t ignore secondary trauma.
Special Note:
The child may become focused on the sexual abuse and perceive that everyday occurrences happen because he or she is a victim of sexual abuse. The adult guardian caring for the child must be patient. It is important that sexually abused children be encouraged to play with other children so that they can feel “normal” again. Take a little more time to reassure them that they are no different from other children.
A second part in helping a child is understanding what they are feeling, which might give a non-offending caregiver insight into the child’s behavior. We encourage all non-offending caregivers to attend The Cottage support group to understand what those feelings may be.
Children are all different; some will show many signs of distress after disclosure, and some will show no signs. This doesn’t mean that the child is not having problems. Remember, most child victims of sexual abuse learn to hide their abuse from other caring adults; they have learned to disguise their feelings as a means of survival. Immediate counseling can assist them in creating a safe environment so that negative feelings created by the sexual abuse can be dispelled. Furthermore, research on child sexual abuse shows that the sooner after disclosure a child receives intervention and counseling, the better off they will be in the long run.
We have already discussed how some victims of child sexual abuse may feel after disclosure. If these emotions aren’t dealt with constructively, those negative feelings will fester over time and may eventually reveal themselves in negative behaviors. Some of the long term effects of child sexual abuse are:
Acting out through violence or anger
Becoming an abuser themselves
Emotional issues
Problems at school
Difficulty in trusting
Marital relationship problems
Alcohol and drug abuse
Depression and suicide
Further victimization
Sexual problems
DFCS and/or Law Enforcement may request that the caregiver and child/children come to the Family Protection Center begin the investigation process.
Before the scheduled Forensic Interview, a Family Advocate from The Cottage will reach out to the caregiver (via telephone) to explain the process and answer any questions you may have.
At the Family Protection Center, the caregiver will meet with a Family Advocate from The Cottage that will be able to answer your questions and provide you information along with resources when there has been an allegation of child abuse.
After introductions with the Family Advocate, Forensic Interviewer and Child Advocate from The Cottage are complete, the child/children will be supervised by a Child Advocate from The Cottage that will stay with your child in a child-friendly waiting room. Your child will be able to play games, color, or just hang out with the Child Advocate while you speak with the Family Advocate alone. The Child Advocate will be there to explain the process to your child.
Once the caregiver gives written consent, the Forensic Interviewer from The Cottage will speak with your child alone. This conversation will be recorded and that recording will be protected by confidentiality. Your child will be interviewed in a developmentally appropriate manner by a specially trained Forensic Interviewer. If at any time, your child becomes distressed the interviewer will stop the interview. DFCS and/or Law Enforcement will observe the interview to gather information for their investigation.
Once the interview is concluded, The Cottage Family Advocate, Forensic Interviewer, DFCS investigator and/or Law Enforcement detective will provide the caregiver with information on how the forensic interview and what will happen next.
The Family Advocate will continuously provide support to the caregiver during this process.
There may be a request or need for a forensic medical exam. If so, the Family Advocate will discuss this option with the caregiver and you will have the opportunity to meet with the nurse prior to the exam with your child.
After this process, the Family Advocate will reach out to the caregiver (via email or telephone) to offer additional support and resources which will most likely include therapy and support groups for the caregiver and your child/children.
Sexual Abuse is when one person uses another in a sexual way for his or her own pleasure. An abuser can be an adult, teen, or older child. The abused person is usually seen as weaker or smaller then the abuser and therefore easier to control. Though sexual abuse involves the use of sex, abuse is really about having great power and trying to control an individual.
In the United States, up to “1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys under 18 experience sexual abuse or assault” (RAINN). The exact number of how many people are abused is not known because a lot of people never tell about the abuse.
Sexual abuse is an extremely hurtful situation for young people to have to live with. It is very important that a young person that has been sexually abused tell someone they trust.
Many teens grow up thinking, wrongly, that they deserved the abuse. Many teens believe that they are responsible for the abuse, when truthfully, only the perpetrator is responsible; survivors are never to blame. Some feel shame, doubt, and guilt about the abuse. Many teens feel that they are alone in the world and few others have experienced abuse. This is not true, 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys have experienced sexual abuse before the age of 18 (RAINN).
Sexual assault or rape is committed by force or threat. Most teens are assaulted by someone they know. Forcing sex or sexual contact on anyone is always wrong.
It is important to acknowledge that there is a difference between “protecting yourself” against teen sexual assault and practicing risk reduction. A survivor is never responsible when they are sexually assaulted. The only person who is able to prevent an assault is the perpetrator.
Risk reduction strategies are techniques to empower teens to make informed, safe choices that limit their exposure to potentially harmful or vulnerable situations:
Set limits concerning sex. Know how far you are willing to go and let your partner know too, before you get to that point in your relationship.
Always know who you are with. Let your parents know where you are going, who you will be with, and how to get in touch with you at all times.
Never leave your drink alone. A lot of drugs can be put into drinks that may affect your body in a way that you can’t protect yourself.
Stay in a group of friends when you go out.
Follow your instincts. If a situation doesn’t feel right, then get out of that situation as soon as possible.
Tell your parents or another trusted adult. If you can’t tell your parents, then call Child Protective Services or Law Enforcement. Also, you can always report to your school counselor or teacher.
Remain calm. Listen to their story. Don’t make judgments of them.
Tell them that what happened was wrong and not their fault.
Encourage them to report the abuse to an adult that they trust.
Personal Safety is when you think and act in a way that will help to keep you safe. Your safety will often depend on how you think and behave in certain situations.
The following are ways to stay safe:
Create safety rules: Stay away from strangers, never walk alone, and always tell someone you trust where you are.
Develop trusting relationships with your parents, friends, etc.
Use clear, assertive communication, which means making sure that people you talk to know what you will and will not do.
Have a positive self-image and self-esteem. You are a special person, and you deserve respect.
Improve your decision-making skills. Think about how your decision may affect your life down the road or how it may affect others’ lives.
Create a support network: a group of people—both your age and adults—that you can trust and confide in.
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